quiet summer

Finished the spring semester and rolled into the summer one. I thought about taking it off, talked about taking it off, and then at the last possible moment decided to keep going. I didn't ace the spring semester. I ended up with one C, in Art. I shouldn't let that get me down, but I have. I have a few weeks left and summer semester will be over. I have been in the thick of writing for school work and haven't been very motivated to update here because of that. I'm pretty sick, so I don't know if I will pursue the coming fall semester.
I got put on a different medication as the one I was on was causing trouble. That was back in April. And this past Monday I found out the new medication is causing trouble as well. I'm still pretty sick. I watch people out walking and I want to be able to walk around without caring if my legs will give out. I'm up to walking between 30 and 50 feet before having to sit. I only walk around my home. Everywhere else I am in the chair as there is more walking than my legs can handle. I fell this past Monday to. I got up to walk into the next room. One minute my legs were there and the next I went down. My arms were to weak to break the fall. So I went down fairly hard. Thankfully my hip doesn't feel more than bruised. A couple of my ribs may be cracked. It's pretty sore to move my arms back and forth. My back smashed into a countertop corner on the way down. I couldn't even get my self off the floor and had to be picked up. I have no push power in my legs. Some days though, I still need help standing up. Stairs, too, are out of the question. This limits me in our home to just a few rooms. According to my numbers I am in a flare up, but I never got the numbers down for long the first time. And I have never regained my strength, as you can tell. I made it past my birthday in May, so this is awesome though. I'm not to worried about  leaving this world. Except for one thing, my children. Don't get this wrong... I don't want to go. I want to stay. I'm hoping I do and I'm hoping I have many years left. But I worry about my children. I worry about what happens with them if something happens to me. My doc is frustrated, understandably. I am to. I think there is a need to be seen by a group of specialists with experience treating this. The only one I know of is at John Hopkins. Emotionally this is devastating me.
Other than falling, being and feeling sick all the time, and cramming school work... there is not much else going on this summer. I wish I could surround my porch in flowers and sit for long hours in the swing... maybe take a nap.

1 comment:

Rachael Mahoney said...

I just happened to see your comment on PJ Geek's blog and popped on over. I am so sorry that you're going through so much. Your story just tugged at my heart and I wanted to say that my prayers are with you.