I am already checking off the weeks to go until this semester is over. Is that bad or good? I can't decide. I know this seems nuts. I know healthy, really healthy people pull off what I am doing school wise. Only when they are super confident they can. Sick people don't. Really, really sick people don't. Sick people who have medical studies, therapies, doctor visits, chemo and lots of meds and are real sick don't. But I am so ON! I'm in my element. And so, I am already counting the weeks left. I believe after this one it's thirteen left.


Been to the gym a few more times. And I can go .50 miles. So the plan is to build from here. I am having to keep my emotions in check. I have been a walker and hiker for most of my life. Sure I have ridden my bike and enjoyed doing so. But walking and hiking have been my thing for as long as I can remember. And unlike before when I gave it up voluntarily, trading it in for deep dark ugly depression, I didn't give it up voluntarily this time. It was taken, it was stolen from me. And I get mad and sad and mad... But then this whole recumbent thing I get happy and that's where I need to be. I need to be happy that yes I can do this. So I will be. And I will build from here. Wouldn't it be cool if I was to go from stationary recumbent to actual. I think perhaps I need to be thinking about just that. Goal for end of February is 2.5 miles.


Let this sink in for a bit. In one night alone I stopped breathing 178 times at an average of 20 seconds each. I have had my second study and will start wearing a vadar mask soon. Sooner preferably!


A popular TV show blurped that a family on an average budget spends 10 dollars a day per person on food. They then showed people on that show bemoaning the fact they didn't think it was possible. For my family that works out to 490 dollars a week. I guess I can dream... BUT  I live in reality. And I certainly don't know what kind of privileged lives some folks must have lived to complain about that budget or not know how to cook for themselves or their families after all these years.


Twice in 1 month I have been turned away from assistance. Capt S was laid off and well is mental...go figure. Both times I was turned away because we didn't make enough. In the past we have been turned away for barely making to much. This leaves me confused...highly.


I can lift my 12lb cat!


I have been eating whatever and when I want since I came back home from the hospital. I've also been internally cooking on massive doses of corticosteroids. I've swelled in epic proportions, no joke. I was weighed this week for the first time since November of last year and fully expected a large gain if not a modest one. I weigh 4lbs less than when I left the hospital. Can't quite wrap my head around this.


9 medical visits in one week alone.


and miles to go before I...

1 comment:

Traveling Light said...

Twix, I don't know how you're doing this. Really, I don't.

Congrats on the weight loss--and o hanging in there. Phew.